The “Best of the Decade” countdown is still going strong (despite the list seemingly being co-opted by misogynistic dudebros), but even *I* still need a break from horror movies every once in a while.
While also accidentally working 40 hours this week at my *part time* job, I did find the time to watch some non-horror things. I caught up on season 10 of Bob’s Burgers, watched a lot of Let’s Plays (it’s easy and it’s mindless), caught up on Good Mythical Morning (also doesn’t count for this blog, but it’s fun, pure content), and then, on Friday, Cats (2019).
Yes. That Cats.
I… don’t even have words. I’m writing this the day after watching it, hoping it would give me some kind of understanding, but there is none. Taylor Swift cat sides with the villain, who’s played by Idris Elba (the only cat given contacts? And has magical powers?) but she disappears after two scenes. Like he magics her to his barge (I don’t know either dude), and then he magics her off the barge, and then she’s never seen again. Like, he’s still in the story, but she’s gone. And there’s no mention of her! Where did Taylor cat go?
Plus the scale on these cats was really awkward. Like, if all the cats were normal cat-sized, then tombstones are like 5 feet tall, but the passenger beds in the train car (umm, yea) are like 3 feet long. A human ring can fit around a cat’s wrist with room to spare. How small are the mice, then? The cockroaches? What conglomerate is producing those perfectly cat-sized catnip shakers, that would only be like an inch big in human terms? Why are the cats so ludicrously small when they’re dancing on the rails of the railway track? Plus these cats can’t jump for shit, since they’re apparently unable to get onto chairs without assistance from their fellow cat brethren! What’s going on!
Cats ended up being the only thing not a part of my countdown that I finished in totality this week, but I had enough questions that it deserved it’s own post anyway.
Unofficial Ratings
Cats
Silver lining to this movie being such a train-wreck: we don’t have to worry about random internet people coming up with and sharing their catsonas. I mean, I think we can all at least be grateful for no one having that in their bio.
Film Student Watchlist 