You’d think with so much free time on my hands, I’d be using it to be productive.

But of course not! I mean, who do you think I am? A well-adjusted adult? Nice try!

I honestly and truly cannot tell what I have been doing with all of my unending free time. Yes, I have been playing a lot of Animal Crossing, but now that my island’s reached 5 stars, I’m beginning to spend less time on it (until the next event, that is). But other than that? Beats me.

I’ve been playing The Simpsons in the background a bit as I disossociate for hours at a time, and it’s caused me to realize that all of the episodes I remember (meaning, all of the episodes I’ve considered to be “the best”) have been in the first 7 seasons. And yet, I have 23 seasons left to go. Wish me luck.

Other than The Simpsons, I watched a couple episodes of this show from Vice called Party Legends, that’s essentially just animated interviews with celebrities about their wildest party/drug-related experiences. The second episode features Lizzo back in 2016 (so, before she got huge) which was crazy to see, and one episode has Alia Shawkat, who I know best as Maeby from Arrested Development. It’s zany, but hasn’t reeled me in yet. I’ll still watch it through to the end though, since clearly I have nothing else going on in my life, and I’d like to imagine a time where parties still existed.

On the movie front, I watched two, somewhat similar, but still vastly different movies: Alien (1979) and The Meg (2018). Both are about a monstrous killing machine hellbent on the destruction of a group of researchers, but one is an all-time classic and one feels like a syfy channel original movie that accidentally got green-lit for a big budget release.

I had originally been planning to make this an Alien-themed week, by watching the entire franchise (possibly including the prequels). But then I relearned that that after the first film, the series becomes more of a set of action films than the genius horror flick that was Ridley’s Scott’s first entry, and so I ultimately decided against it. Not that I don’t plan on going back and watching Aliens (1986) sometime in the future (QUICK SIDEBAR: who the hell decided to name the sequel to Alien, “Aliens”? Like, they had to realize how annoying and confusing that would be, right? RIGHT?). because I definitely do, but not back to back as I had originally been planning.

The Meg, meanwhile, I have no reasoning attached. The only association I have with the film is the fact that Chantel Houston (previously from Buzzfeed’s Ladylike and now from her own YouTube channel) went to the film premiere for her birthday that year because she’s obsessed with sharks. Literally, that is it. Unfortunately, this is now the closest I’ve ever been to seeing Jaws (1975), since, arguably, the Jaws shark may have been a megalodon, a prehistoric dinosaur shark that this film could not decide how big to make it (spoiler alert: they’re supposed to be fucking gigantic. Like, size of a 6 story building, gigantic). I had been pumped when I heard this movie was coming out years ago, because I think megalodon’s are gnarly, but this movie left something to be desired in my megalodon-loving heart.

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Unofficial Ratings

Alien

I need to hold myself accountable by saying my fear level during this film went down by about 40 after I went to doesthedogdie.com to find out if the cat dies about 20 minutes in, and I hate that I’m not ashamed to admit that

The Meg

There were literally 4 times during this movie where I asked myself “this must be the finale/climactic scene, right? Like, this has to be the end!” only to find out that I had 95 minutes, or 75 minutes, or 50 minutes, or 20 minutes left (not that I was keeping track)

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