So, tomorrow’s Halloween. Normally, we’d be scrambling to put together costumes, going-out plans, and playing Russian Roulette to figure out the Designated Driver.
As has been established, this year is a little different.
Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I’ve put together a list of horror films that’ll make you actually pretty glad you can lock your door, pull the shutters, and not have to see another person until your next dreaded grocery run. Call this propaganda if you want, I call this my part in saving our species.
~ Happy Watching ~
Annihilation (2018)
Summary: A biologist signs up for a dangerous, secret expedition into a mysterious zone where the laws of nature don’t apply.
Why It’s Quarantine-Friendly: If field expeditions are canceled, then you can’t be trapped in a freaky parallel-universe world full of murderous animals and plants.
Where to watch: FXNOW | SLING | RENT
Sweetheart (2019)
Summary: Jenn has washed ashore a small tropical island and it doesn’t take her long to realize she’s completely alone. She must spend her days not only surviving the elements, but must also fend off the malevolent force that comes out each night.
Why It’s Quarantine-Friendly: If you don’t go to the beach/sailing with your buddies, then you won’t have to worry about being swept out to sea, washing up on a deserted island, and having to survive against a violent monster or ~sexism~ from your asshole boyfriend and the girl he’s def cheating on you with.
Where to watch: Netflix | rent
Hostel: Part I (2005), II (2007), & III (2011)
Summary: (A/N: All three films have essentially the same plot, so in lieu of using their official plot summaries or just choosing one, I’ll summarize their summaries) Tourists get kidnapped in order to be sold to rich people so that said rich people can torture them to death in incredibly gruesome ways for fun.
Why It’s Quarantine-Friendly: If you don’t travel, it’s a hell of a lot harder for these human traffickers to abduct you for their human chattel business. Seriously: if the sheer gross-out torture porn that is the Hostel series doesn’t convince you to just STAY HOME, nothing will. At least the guy’s wearing a mask in the third movie poster.
WHERE TO WATCH PART 1: HULU | HBOMAX | RENT
WHERE TO WATCH PART 2: HULU | HBOMAX | RENT
WHERE TO WATCH PART 3: CRACKLE | TUBI | RENT
Green Room (2015)
Summary: A punk rock band becomes trapped in a secluded venue after finding a scene of violence. For what they saw, the band themselves become targets of violence from a gang of white power skinheads, who want to eliminate all evidence of the crime.
Why It’s Quarantine-Friendly: If you don’t go to/perform at concerts, you don’t have to worry about getting killed by Neo-Nazis. Really, if you don’t go outside, you can just generally avoid Neo-Nazis altogether, which isn’t the best solution (the best solution would be no Neo-Nazis in general), but ya know, there’s a lot going on right now, so it’s okay to just take care of yourself and avoid the Neo-Nazis rather than fight them during a global pandemic; who knows- maybe if we stay inside and they don’t, they’ll die of the virus and then problem solved! Just sayin’.
WHERE TO WATCH: NETFLIX | KANOPY | RENT
Humanoids of the Deep (1980)
Summary: Scientific experiments backfire and produce horrific mutations: half man, half fish, which terrorize a small fishing village by killing the men and raping the women.
Why It’s Quarantine-Friendly: If you don’t go to the beach or the boardwalk, it’s a LOT less likely you’ll be targeted by these rapey mermen fish-things. You will, however, raise your likelihood of seeing things like this movie, that do NOT hold up post-#MeToo. Like, not in the slightest. It’s almost comical. A “plus” of watching this in quarantine, though, is that afterwards you can sit in solitude and contemplate how fucked up it is that this movie was like SUPER popular when it came out, and according to Google, 89% of users liked this movie.
WHERE TO WATCH: AMAZONPRIME | TUBI | SHUDDER | THE CRITERION CHANNEL | RENT
DEATH BELL (2008)
Summary: Advanced students who take a special class are being tortured by their class rank, forced to solve puzzles or else watch their classmates die one by one.
Why It’s Quarantine-Friendly: If classes are held online, it’ll be a lot harder to trap classrooms full of students together on campus and force them to play psychopathic games for their survival.
WHERE TO WATCH: RENT
As Above, So Below (2014)
Summary: When a team of explorers ventures into the catacombs that lie beneath the streets of Paris, they uncover the dark secret that lies within this city of the dead.
Why It’s Quarantine-Friendly: If you did your researching and sleuthing online instead of in-person, then you wouldn’t have to worry about being trapped in secret underground tunnels and possibly pursued by a malevolent supernatural force that’s upset about the final resting place of millions of people being disturbed.
WHERE TO WATCH: NETFLIX | RENT
The Meg (2018)
Summary: A deep sea submersible pilot revisits his past fears in the Mariana Trench, and accidentally unleashes the seventy foot ancestor of the Great White Shark believed to be extinct.
Why It’s Quarantine-Friendly: If all work is remote and you don’t go to the ocean, then you won’t have to worry about being eaten by a gigantic prehistoric shark.The megalodon can’t come to your house!
WHERE TO WATCH: SLING | RENT
Emelie (2015)
Summary: After their regular babysitter cancels, the Thompson family turns to her friend, Anna to supervise their children while the parents go out to celebrate their anniversary. At first Anna seems like a dream come true to the kids, allowing them to eat extra cookies and play with things that are usually off-limits, but as her behavior becomes increasingly odd, the kids soon find out that her intentions are dark and twisted—and she is not who she seems to be.
Why It’s Quarantine-Friendly: If you’re not going out, you don’t have to worry about finding a babysitter! It’s a non-issue.
WHERE TO WATCH: RENT
The Descent (2005)
Summary: After a tragic accident, six friends reunite for a caving expedition. Their adventure soon goes horribly wrong when a collapse traps them deep underground and they find themselves pursued by bloodthirsty creatures. As their friendships deteriorate, they find themselves in a desperate struggle to survive the creatures and each other.
Why It’s Quarantine-Friendly: If you don’t go on weird girls trip with people you haven’t seen in years to a place you’ve never heard of, you won’t get trapped in an unknown cave-system and you won’t be hunted by a ravenous humanoid species that lives in said caves. (A/N: this is one of my favorite movies of all time! Highly recommend)
Film Student Watchlist 