For the record, I didn’t intend to take two weeks off from this blog. Usually, I look forward to posting- it gives me a chance to think about the things I’ve watched and helps me to remember how I felt about something weeks later.

Right now, though, all I want to do is sleep until there’s a sense of normalcy again.

I find myself falling back into my old habits, now that I have unofficially moved home. I could never do my homework in the house, and instead would always either work in a local coffee shop, or finish it in class when I had free time. When all you have is free time, it doesn’t feel like free time anymore.

It’s not that I consider this blog to be homework, or even work at all. I just don’t want to risk putting my worst work out there, into the giant internet void, when I’m constantly losing track of myself. I’ve watched some new things, and plenty more old things, but I find myself walking away from everything with a sort of lukewarm feeling, and most of the TV shows/movies I’ve seen don’t deserve that.

I love this blog. And as I creep closer and closer to graduation- a day that no longer means anything but used to mean everything- I wonder where I will go from here. Should I try to do more, while I still have the “time”? Or should I keep my pace steady, so I don’t overwork myself in the future? Will there be a future, after this apocalypse? I hate to sound nihilistic, but right now, everything seems pointless. I’m plagued by dreams whenever I close my eyes and few of them are sweet, but I find myself going back for more, because they exist in a vacuum without a shelter in place order. Right now, my nightmares are giving me more stability than reality, and I find myself taking what I can get.

So again, I’m sorry for the radio silence these past two weeks. I might try to do one giant abridged post; if anything, just to keep track of the things I’ve seen recently, and to hopefully provide you all with some fodder to survive on during these “trying times”. Or maybe not. I don’t want to promise anything, when the universe seems so stacked against promises.

Just know that I love you all, and I am always here if you need anything, be it a space to speak freely, a Netflix recommendation, or someone to lose time with, for a little while.

To end on a not-so-completely-depressing note, here are a couple photos of someone who has nearly singlehandedly kept me going through all of the upheaval these past few weeks: my adorable cat, Vizzy.